By Leslye's Blog | January 26, 2015 at 10:50 PM EST | No Comments
Soon after Sister Anne Kelley, executive director of the Good Shepherd Shelter, talked to our group at Concepts in Yarn, I wrote a summary of her comments posted it as a Newsnote. You can find it on our website under "Most Recent Newsletter." It provoked a lot of discussion so I feel I must revisit some of the major points.
First: regarding AA and abusers. Sister Anne didn't intend to say that AA wasn't a good organization, and neither did I. She emphasized however that abused women who think their abuser will improve by attending AA or other similar self-help programs are mistaken. Abuse is not caused by alcohol or drugs. The abuser wants CONTROL. Going to AA does not work on this issue, and participating in such a program may in fact end up in more abuse for the woman because the abusers "pain pill" has been eliminated. Sister Anne definitely supports AA for people who suffer from addiction.
Second: divorce. Many in our group were taken totally by surprise by Sister Anne's strategy that the abused woman not divorce her abuser as soon as she successfully makes it to a shelter. It does seem counter intuitive, but Sister Anne promises it's a plan that works. She says divorce proceedings challenge the abuser's control of the situation. If the woman initiates proceedings immediately, they may end up long and drawn out, whereas if the woman waits, he may have found another woman to control and be eager to end the former relationship.
Third: the selection process at the Good Shepherd Shelter. One of our dear participants wrote to me saying my recap opened old wounds. This brought tears to my eyes. What an unintended consequence! When she read that the Good Shepherd only took in women who met certain criteria, she said it reminded her of when she sought the protection of a shelter (in the 1970s) and was turned away because she had 5 children. The shelter told her she could let her 2 oldest children fend for themselves; then they would accept her and the other 3 children. She opted to keep her family together. I forgot to explain that when the Good Shepherd turns away an abused woman, they don't just shut the door (as they did to this woman in the 1970s when shelters for abused women were hardly available), they help the woman find a shelter more fitted to her needs.
Sister Anne's talk to us on Jan. 7 has influenced the direction of Handmade's activities this year. One of her suggestions was that we make items for children, and we have been discussing what to make and how to make them. That will be the topic of the next blog. Of course, I look forward to your comments and suggestions.